Newly divorced women and dating

Author of the recently released book, “Who Am I Without My Partner?

Post-Divorce Healing and Rediscovering Your SELF,” Deborah Hecker, Ph. is a psychotherapist with over 35 years of private practice experience. In addition, she is certified as a psychoanalyst and has extensive training in the following areas: addiction counseling, grief counseling, collaborative practice and mediation.

One of the scariest aspects of being a divorcee is the prospect of dating again. Your inclination, therefore, is to want to connect, and perhaps even rush into re-partnering. You should wait about a year before seriously dating anyone.

You are no longer a “we” with emotional ties, exclusive commitments and promises. Like it or not, there are three important tasks you must first accomplish before you are ready to successfully enter into another serious relationship. The Grieving Process Where there is attachment and loss, there is grief.

Grief is not just one dimensional, consisting only of sorrow.

In an ideal post-divorce world, the itch to re-partner would not arise until you are actually ready to deal with it.

You know the adage — “Time heals all wounds.” Grieving is not a passive experience. Be radically honest by asking yourself the following types of questions: – Was I the partner I wanted to be?

It is what you do with the time that will work to support or undermine your recovery. You can’t change what happened, but you can change how you respond to it. – Did I turn to my spouse when I needed to depend on myself?

A word of caution: running from your grief only delays the healing process.

It is impossible to simultaneously let go of one relationship and attach to another with any degree of success. By putting yourself under a microscope and looking at your responsibility in the collapse of your marriage, you can use divorce as a catalyst to reinvent and empower your SELF.

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